Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
