Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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