I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
