You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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