Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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