awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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