So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
