"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
