Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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