just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
