dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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