A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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