You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
