That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
