i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
