the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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