so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
