he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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