Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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