Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
