at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
