Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
