if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
