Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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