you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
