I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
