Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
