I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
