Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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