Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
