I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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