the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
