what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
