We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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