I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
