Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
