Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
