I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize