Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
