Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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