Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
