worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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