Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
