Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
