you would pick up someone in the library
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
