Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
