If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
