Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
