i think my tv is drunk
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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