The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
