I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I did not marry a roomba.
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