no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She's JV to your varsity
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
