So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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