It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
