Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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