so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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